"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." -Aldous Huxley

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wFriday, May 06, 2005

NO LOTT DEATH WATCH, PLEASE: I shouldn't have let so much time go by between my last post and this one but this was a busy week. To friends and colleagues, I'm not suicidal and I have no plans to go postal on anybody. You can get down off the eggshells.

This week was a little bit better than the last several. On Sunday, I took advantage of the weather and spent several hours outdoors. I was up early, had breakfast at McDonald's, took the metro in to St. Charles, and then took in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. All told, I walked at least five miles. I got a blister to show for it but it was worth it.

The work week wasn't great but it was about as good as I could have expected, and several of my side projects proceeded right along. Quite a few friends got hold of me to try to check on my sanity and I restarted a correspondence with an old friend who knows how to make me smile and laugh.

Friday wasn't great, with too little sleep and a general sunless haze -- in fact, one colleague compared me to Marvin the Depressed Android at the Cato Happy Hour -- but I wasn't as bad as the previous Friday, and I wasn't dumb enough to try to go out and do something after work. Instead I came home and watched Around the Bend, a surprisingly good movie starring Michael Cane, Christopher Walken, Josh Lucas, and child actor Jonah Bobo.

Bottom line:

1) I appreciate your concern.

2) I will survive, honest.

Some people asked why I wrote the post last Saturday night/Sunday morning. Was I fishing for sympathy, a few people have wondered.

No. I wrote what I did a) because I needed to write it; and b) because I cannot write for myself. I wrote in the same spirit as most of my writing: I wanted to understand. To the extent that I had a purpose in sharing with others, the intent was an apology. I was saying, I'm sorry that I am like this; I don't know what has got in to me; and I'd really rather be something very different than this, if I could figure out how.

And that's enough for this morning.

posted by Jeremy at 11:12 PM